La Dulce Vida - Da Soul Hip Blog Queen

Look, who was here:

Last night I didn’t have dreams about my ex when I heard a rock against my window. It was 1 AM. I ran downstairs before he’d decide to ring the doorbell and wake FHM up, for the second night in the row. I was greeted with a sneeze.
“I’ve got the cold, baby.”
I didn’t say anything, because I knew my face would make him feel more guilty than anything I could ever say. I kept the door open for him to get in. He tried to hug me but really just collapsed on my shoulder. I still didn’t say anything, just caressed his back.
“You smell of weed.”
“’Cause dem mans were smokin’ in da car. Everyone apart from me.”
“Hmph.”
I took a container out of the fridge and started piling food on a plate with quick mock angry movements.
“Look, I’m sorry about yesterday” – sneeze – “Something came up” – sneeze – “and my battery was dead so I couldn’t even call you” – sneeze – “you get me,” he explained while trying to grope my ass. I put his food in the microwave and made him a hot drink with lemon and honey and enough sugar to send him to the diabetes risk group, and gave him a pack of tissues. When he had finished eating I found an extra blanket and tucked him into bed. There he fell asleep watching 'The X-Men: The Last Stand'.

Boys. Where would they be without us?
(Best Friend: “Why do you have to go on like a wifey? He doesn’t deserve it.” When ever did they deserve it…?)

He kept sneezing and coughing and I made him two more hot drinks in the course of the night. Poor thing didn’t get much sleep; I got even less than that.
“I’m gonna have to get up early tomorrow. Are you going get up with me or do you want to stay here and sleep?” I asked him.
“You got a class?”
“No. I’m going to the doctor’s.”
“For your cold?”
“No.”
“Why you going to the doctor’s, then?”
“Because certain people don’t like the feel of latex. Which means that I’m left to deal with the consequences! See, this is the chapter that you men don’t see: ‘the morning-after’ -epilogue.”
“Seen... You don’t have to go. We can deal with the consequences.”
“Yeah, right. No offence, baby, but I don’t want no ‘Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone’ be my children’s favourite nursery song.”

I walked down the street to the doctor’s and then to Harborne High Street to get some groceries. It was a lovely sunny spring morning. But in the top end of our road it was raining £20 notes. Armed robbers driving along Hagley Road had had to throw away a Securicor cashbox full of thousands of pounds when they had realised the box was being digitally tracked. FHM told me there was money everywhere. People had rushed to pick up the notes only to find them to be stained with a red dye emitted during the robbery.
Most money had then been handed in.


What the hell???

It snowed last night.
(This is my second post today, so just scroll down not to miss my previous entry. You wouldn't want to do that, would you?)

It's this morning's main news story. BBC tells us not to go out if not necessary. Schools are closed, there are airport closures and severe train delays... "If you need to go on the road", BBC warns, "be equipped with blankets, water and food".

There is a Finnish person in Harborne rolling on the floor, laughing. She shared the news with her family back home.

Dad (in Jyvaskyla, mid Finland): "There's 30cm snow here, and -25 degrees. You must be having a hard time."
Mum (in Helsinki, Southern Finland): "There's a snow storm here, -15 degrees. No-one's talking about a national emergency. Kids are at school. 'Slight inconvenience on some roads, but no main disruptions'."

My little brother is sleeping in a forest in a tent doing his military service. My little sister will have ice skating in PE and will be given detention for moaning about the weather.


My street in Birmingham


My back garden in Birmingham


My country, any day


...which I miss.


Temperatures in Finland and elsewhere

+15 °C:
The Spanish wear woolly hats and gloves. Finns are sunbathing.

+10 °C:
Without much success, the French try to turn the heating on. Finns start planting flowers.

+5 °C:
Cars in Italy don’t start up. Finns drive convertibles and put their roofs down.

0 °C:
Water freezes.
The river in Helsinki turns a bit thick.

-5 °C:
Old people die in California.
Finns stop barbecuing.

-10 °C :
Scotts turn the central heating on.
Finns change their t-shirts to jumpers.

-20 °C:
The Swedish stay inside.
Finns barbecue a few more sausages before the winter starts.

-30 °C :
The Greek die.
Finns won’t hang the clothes outside anymore.

-40 °C:
Fake Santa Clauses move south.
The outdoors training of the Finnish Army is cancelled due to warm weather.

-50 °C:
The Danish lose their teeth.
Finns rent films and stay inside.

-60 °C:
Polar bears leave the North Pole.
The Finnish Army starts training outdoors.

-70 °C:
The Siberians move to Moscow.
Finns lose their calms, because you can no longer store vodka in your garden.

-273 °C :
Absolute zero.
Finns say:”It’s bloody cold outside!”

-300 °C :
The hell freezes.
Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.